A place of my own

penboy_np @ 2004-07-21T10:22:00

2004-07-21T08:43:53Z

So in about an hour, I'm leaving for Germany on my bike. I'm not sure exactly how long it'll take to get there, but Holland is a small country, so it shouldn't be more than two weeks. I'm also not exactly sure if I'l make it the entire way or not. I might wind up giving up half way and taking a train back, you never know. My bike only cost me 20 Euro, and I plan to keep the lock, so if it get's ditched, it's not a big deal.

I think I'm finished traveling in the conventional manner. At least, on this trip. See, a lot of the time when I wake up, I feel lost. Not because I don't know where I am, but because I don't know where I'm going. Or rather, I don't have anywhere to go on this side of the planet in such short a time. I still have a month left on my rail pass, and most would say that is tons of time to see places. But the thing is, at this very second, there's not a single thing I could name offhand that I really want to see over here. It's a bit of a shame, really, but it's just what's happening right now, and I'm going to take things as they come.

I'm not planning to do the Tour de France or anything, mostly just start riding east and see where the roads take me. I've got my small day pack full of stuff, a handful of things to keep me dry, a map, a compass and a little bit of food. I'm not exactly sure where I'll sleep every night, but I biked to another town a few days ago and I saw lots of promising camp sites on the way. I should be set, all I need to do is keep out the rain, and I don't mind a little bit of water too much.

Here's the part that doesn't explain well. I've learned a lot from Amsterdam. Despite all the little things that make it not Brampton, it's still been home. And even when I think about leaving today, I still get an overwhelming choking feeling. I don't really want to go, but I have to. I have four weeks left in Europe, and I want to spend all and none of them here. I miss home, terribly. Or rather, I miss having a home.

I'm not sure at all when I'll be in contact again with everyone, but it will be eventually. Don't worry about me falling off a cliff or something, Holland is very flat and wet. If anything, be concerned about me falling into a canal, they're everywhere.

The time is 10:40 AM on Wednesday, July 21st, and I think it's just about time for a bike ride. Let's hope I make it, ne?

penboy_np @ 2004-07-17T18:42:00

2004-07-17T16:50:36Z

Maybe it could be home, eventually. But not now.

penboy_np @ 2004-07-12T14:45:00

2004-07-12T13:38:52Z

So this morning, my boss asked me how many weeks I've been working here. She checked, because I had no idea, and told me that this would be my fifth week. Which sucks, because according to the rules, I'm only allowed to work here for four weeks. The management is wonderful though, because they're letting me finish the week I've already been scheduled for. But, come next Monday, I become a traveler once more. It might not seem bad, but it's not as fun as it sounds.

I've heard the expression "You never know what you have until it's gone", and I can now see nothing but wisdom in those words. You never really appreciate having your own room until you've slept with twelve other people. Sandwiches and pasta taste great, but seven days a week for two and a half months turns them to ash. It's cool to hang out with people for a few days, but you never make friends, only drinking buddies. And usually in Amsterdam, both the drinks and the drinkers are gone by sunrise.

I've been very happy in Amsterdam. I've lived here for a month. I've slept in the same bed for twenty eight days. I've strewn my stuff all over on the floor. I've worked. I've made money. I've made friends. I've gone on dates. I've gotten drunk. I even bought a bike. I've made myself a life here. I know I've learned a lot here, and I know it's time to move on to other places. But no matter how many times I write that last sentence I still don't want to go. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Because I'm comfortable now, I have a place I belong. It's such a wonderful, beautiful city, full of so many wonderful people.

But it's not home. And I don't think it ever can be.

I literally have no idea what country I'll be in next week. More than likely, it'll be Holland. But if I've traveled a thousand kilometers by the time I make my next entry, don't act too surprised. Those trains can move pretty quick.

penboy_np @ 2004-07-08T11:58:00

2004-07-08T10:52:13Z

So last night we had a going away party. Four people's contracts are up soon at the hostel, which means it's the perfect excuse to get really drunk. The bar gave free drinks for staff until three in the morning, and most people were pretty liquored by the end of it all. I had a lot of fun, although I spent a good deal of time away from the party. Parties are fun, but only in small amounts. I should probably take it a little bit easy for the next little while, I'm starting to get all partied out again.

Amsterdam has been pretty fun for the last three weeks. Actually, it's really strange, it doesn't feel like I've been living in Amsterdam for almost a month, but I have. It's really easy, too. Working in the hostel mostly all there is to do is clean, make beds, talk to people and drink. Time slides by so easily, I can see how easy it would be to get stuck here.

I bought a bike last night, but it needs a bit of work. Today is my first day off in a very long while, so I plan to use it to do some repairs and then maybe just spend the day riding around in this huge park. Amsterdam is really cool, but I need to be mobile to really be able to see it all. Clearly, bikes are the way to go, it's just a matter of getting one on the road that works really well. Right now it rubs against my foot a little when I turn, so instead of going around the corner, I eat pavement. Not really the most fun way to spend an evening.

If I manage to get a really good bike though, I think I might go on a biking tour of Holland for a few weeks. I met this guy who's living in Czech Republic, and he said that he did it and loved it. Plus, finally got around to checking my bank balance and I've discovered I only have a thousand Canadian dollars left for a month and a bit. Not exactly the best budget to be working on, but Í can and will save a lot more money in Amsterdam. I just need to get mobile on my bike, then I can spend little to no money.

Mostly what I've been doing for the past three and a half weeks is meet people. I've met so many people and exchanged so many email addresses that I've started loosing count. I now have friends in half a dozen countries all over the world and some of them might come visit Canada, which would be cool. It's really hard not to meet people in Amsterdam, its such a relaxed, social, happy place. It's really such a beautiful thing to wake up to every morning, just a city full of happy people.

I haven't really figured out yet when I'm going to leave here. It might be next week, it might be four weeks, I really couldn't give a number. I was sort of waiting for someone to ask me how long I wanted to stay and answer on the spot, but no one has. I think if I didn't need to go back home for school, I would get a work visa and a three month contract here, rent an apartment and learn Dutch. That would be a lot of fun. I think I need to figure out a few more things before I start thinking about coming back.

It's been really strange, because every day is like a new revelation. I've been sorting out so much stuff, what's important and what's really not. It's been such a good experience for me, I think I finally know what I want to do when I get back to Canada. That's a surprise for when I get home though. I definitely have more traveling to do, and I think next year is when I'll get a chance to do it. Fortunately, I got fired from my job.

Sarah sent me an email a little while ago telling me that A&P sent my vacation pay to me. Which means that I've been terminated and have no job. Which, as my revelation a few days ago told me, is the absolute best thing that could have ever happened to me. See, I worked all my university courses so I could still work nights and go to school. Which means that all my classes are in the morning, and I have every single afternoon and evening free. And I know I've been an anti-social git for the past year, but when I get back I intend to go out and meet people. Meeting and talking to people has been such a good thing for me, it's opened my eyes to so much more about the world. Plus, now I can get a better job than working nights at a grocery store.

I've made a bunch of friends from Israel. Life is so different there, I really can't explain it. Mostly because I can't experience how they live, only share what Í've learned from them. They've invited me to come visit, and I've done the same for Canada with them. They join the army soon, and they need to do it for four years, but after that they said they would love to see the world again. That would be good, I'd love to show them what our country is like. Hopefully by then I'll have seen most of it. I think I might visit Israel one day, I'd have a few placed to stay.

When I was in Germany, I was talking to this girl about seeing countries, and she asked if I'd seen Canada. I said no, but I immediately wondered why. I mean, it's all right there, isn't it? So I decided shortly after that I need to see Canada. I haven't decided where in particular, but I think I'll try and do it in my car or something. I'm not really sure what I plan to do exactly, but I need to see our country, it's so vast and beautiful that I can't believe it didn't occur to me earlier. I don't know if I'll do it for a year or just a summer, but it was only a short while I was over here before I decided that Brampton is really, really small. It'll always be home though.

I've been thinking a whole lot about fate lately. Unfortunately, most days I'm not sure what to think. It's just been a lot of times, very strange coincidences have happened, and it leaves me wondering. Perhaps there's some sort of force that taps me in the right direction, I really don't know. But if there is, I like the direction I'm being tapped, and I think I might just stay the course for a while. It seems to know what's best for me, and it's all turned out good until now. I guess you might call this having faith.

So if this is a book, I'm not really sure what the next chapter holds. I can't really see around the corner to the next plot twist, but I'm sure it's there. I only wish I could listen to the foreshadowing in the writing and prepare myself. I guess the only thing I can really do though, is to keep on reading.

I should go read.

penboy_np @ 2004-06-19T14:43:00

2004-06-19T07:31:41Z

So I got the job. I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but I got the job working at the hostel, which gives me free rent in my room in exchange for work. This is a good thing on so many levels I can't even begin to start to explain it all. But maybe a little story will help.

Last night was a company party, which means that anyone who is part of the company gets to party. Sounds like a pretty far out concept, I know, but try and wrap your mind around it. Anyways, regardless of the fact that I can count the number of days I've worked on one hand, I was strongly encouraged to come. And what a party it was.

The original plan was to rent a boat with a DJ and a few kegs and then just motor it around on the ocean all night, but that fell through. The weather report said it was going to rain, and I don't know about everyone else, but as much fun as it would be to party, drunk, on a boat in the middle of a typhoon, I believe canceling that was a good idea. And then, since the boat was a no go, they smoothly switched from 'drunken boat party' to 'drunken scavenger hunt' and then 'drunken beach party'.

They divided us up into teams, seven I think, each with roughly seven or eight people. Every group got a few things: a scavenger package checklist, a terribly inadequate map, a bag full of food, and finally, a 2-4 of Becks beer. Let me just emphasize the critical importance of the last item to the rest of the story. I mean, you're on a scavenger hunt, and you want to win, but you don't know where you are or where you're going, and ýou've just gotten out of a cafe where you've been drinking beer, and on top of that you've been given more beer. Which raises what I think is an important question of physics.

Does drinking the beer in the 2-4 make it easier or harder to carry? From a theoretical standpoint, I could go either way. The weight is less, but the blood alcohol is high, really it might seem like it all evens out, right? But from experence, I can safely say that drinking the beer will makes things so very, very much worse. So much so that my team that won the scavenger hunt and I lost my underpants.

On reflection this morning, I think I figured out that the winning team was decided, not by being the first team to get there, but by being the only team drunk enough to finish the hunt. There was a few crazy things on the list, like take a picture of two people in the ocean, collect a big bag of seashells, compose some lyrics for a song, oh, right, and steal Nick's underpants. Yeah, I remember that item on the list very clearly. But sometimes, you know, when you want to win, you need to take one for them team, right? So there I was, on a beach in Holland, half naked, handing my underpants to the girls on my team, who were quite happy to get them.

I'm still not completely sure how I feel about that, but it can't stop me from smiling.

The party itself was pretty insane. I've got bruises on both of my hands from trying to play the bongos, of which I would like to express my greatest sorrow for everyone at the party. I, by nature, have no rhythm. Having a few drinks only brings out that trait more. But other than that, we had food, a DJ, free beer and a bunch of fire dancers.

I'll be completely honest when I say I don't remember the bus ride home. What I do remember is a nice long walk along the tram lines and winding up, somehow, in my bed. Which brings our hero into a very humerus situation. See, the reason we were having a party, was because we did this really intense job of cleaning the hostel the day before. So the mattress for my bed had been taken off, cleaned, and I guess, not put back on properly. So I'd say around, I don't know, 3 or 4 in the morning, I decided to roll over on my side. This single, most brilliant decision caused me, not only to drop five feet into radiator and bed below, but for the mattress, pillows and blankets to fall directly on top of me. Absolutely drunk out of my mind.

But, as it turned out, the person sleeping under me was this chick I work with. This cute, short chick. With long brown hair, an eyebrow piercing and a great smile. And a very heavy French accent, so every time she says my name, she calls me Neek.

God damn I love my job.

penboy_np @ 2004-06-15T15:38:00

2004-06-15T14:11:11Z

So this morning, I watched Jenn's train slowly roll down the track. I don't really feel like saying a whole much about it. Right now, I mostly feel quite sad that things went the way they did, although I know for a fact that there's nothing either of us could have done to easy the conflict. But knowing that doesn't make me any less frustrated, now does it? It is all for the best, and I'm sure both of us will benefit from time to ourselves.

I'm in Amsterdam right now, and actually, I might be getting a bit of a job. It's in the hostel, which means that instead of paying for my nights rest, I work. It's a good way to fill the hours, so I'm hoping I can do it for a little while. So in reality, I could be here anywhere from two more nights to two weeks.

I have a lot of thinking to do today, and while it's only 4 in the afternoon now, I don't particularly feel like going out again. It's been on the brink of raining all afternoon and it could push itself over the edge at any moment. Plus, I spent most of yesterday wandering around the city, and I'm very tired physically and otherwise. I don't know what you guys would do, but I don't particularly feel like getting stuck out in the rain my first day flying solo.

I'd love to talk at great length about a bunch of things, but I think it would be better if I let the smoke clear a bit before I start writing. No pun intended, of course. Well, maybe just a little bit of a pun. But anyways, tomorrow, or perhaps the next day I'll have sorted out what I'm thinking and can let everyone know what I'm doing and where I'm going.

North or south? I haven't decided yet. Time to pull out the coin and let fate decide.

penboy_np @ 2004-06-11T12:38:00

2004-06-11T10:53:11Z

Right now Im in Munich, which is on the southern edge of Germany, fairly close to Switzerland. Its raining right now, but not so much as it was when I woke up this morning, which is nice. Right now Im sitting in the easyInternetcafe, and although its directly across from the train station, its really cheap. So cheap, in fact, that I can picture myself spending a good portion of the morning, and possibly the afternoon, writing here.

Actually, theres another reason I can picture myself spending the day in this chair. Right now Jenn is on a train to a little town called Fussen, with two dots over the u so its pronounced Fuu-senn instead of Fuss-en. Something to remember about German. Anyways, right now shes headed there because theres a really big castle there she wants to see, but its not really something I feel like seeing. So instead, the original plan was for me to go to the first concentration camp Hitler made, which is right outside town. But as it turns out, Im not particularly in the mood to be depressed by gas chambers right now.

I guess for most of this post to make sense, I should give a little bit of background information on whats been happening lately. Most of my posts have been little snippets, with few details and even fewer emotions. So here we go. Ive discovered that Jenn and I have a little bit of a cycle. The day begins like just about any other day, we wake up, eat some breakfast at our hostel and decide where we want to go and what we want to do. Then we start doing it, and generally things go pretty well. Then... Its usually around mid afternoon or so when we start talking about something. And the talking rapidly turns into arguing. Theres lots of things we wind up arguing about, but usually it breaks down to how I treat her, and to a lesser extend, how she treats me. Sometimes the day ends with us calmly discussing how frustrated we feel sometimes, and we come to a conclusion about something and hopefully it will be better in the future. Others times, not so much.

Last night was a not so much.

I think Ill flip back in time a bit, because this has been going on for a while now and theres a lot thats been going on. When we were in Paris, sitting in front of Le Louvre, we had one of the first real fights. It was a bit of a calm discussion, but it was a fight none the less in my mind. She We lay some bones on the table, and eventually we both came out and said we dont travel well. Actually, Jenn lay the bones on the table because shes braver than Ill ever be, and I chimed in occasionally. And now that Ive had a few more weeks to reflect on it, I can see that for both of us, we dont travel well seems to be translating into I hate traveling with you half of the time. The other half is not so bad, because i think we do enjoy spending some time together, but sometimes we just want the other person to fall off the face of the earth.

So anyways, when we were in Paris, we decided that it would be a really, really good idea if we didnt travel together for the whole two months of her trip as we had originally planned. But the problem is that, some days when we are in the right place and things are going good, I think both of us could picture things being not so bad for the rest of the trip, and maybe we can work some things out and it could be ok for two months. And then other nights, like, to pluck an example out of the air, last night, the shit hits the metaphorical fan and Im trying to word the Dear Jenn letter Im going to leave on her bag in the morning.

We are both just so tired of arguing, and since most days thats all we really do, I think were actually just really tired of each other. i think we both saw really early on that there were going to be problems. And now that time keeps sailing by and we keep getting into fights, I think Im not the only one thats beginning to wonder if we can still be friends when we go our separate ways. Of which the specific time keeps changing.

See, In Paris, we decided were going to go North through Brussels and, then split after the Netherlands. Then in Brussels we decided to go to Switzerland instead, then through Germany and Czech, up through Denmark and then splitting after the Netherlands. Then yesterday morning it was going to be us going doing the last thing, then also seeing Italy together and splitting up in Rome, her going to Spain and me going to Greece. Then when we walked home yesterday, the few short sentences we spoke had so much weight behind them that I dont think Jenn expected me to be there in the morning. And Ill be honest and say I considered not being there. But I always run fom my problems, and Im tired of it.

Right now Im just so fucking ashamed about a whole lot of things. I hate how Ive been treating her, and I hate all the stupid hurtful remarks I make and how we wind up treating each other. I wish we got along better, and that we didnt wind up hurting each other so much. I really do like spending time with Jenn, and I think she does with me, sometimes, but other times we just wind up never wanting to see each other ever again. And we both want to leave, but we know if we do right now itll be goodbye instead of see you later. And if things are shit when we leave, theyre going to be even worse when I go to pick up some of the stuff I left at her house.

As you can probably guess, I have a lot of stuff of my mind right now, and a whole bunch of it doesnt revolve around Jenn. Id say a decent chunk of it lies in the sorry state I left things with all my friends back home, and generally how Ive been acting for the past year or so. Now that Ive take a step back from everything, I can see what a total asshole Ive been, and Id love to start to fix things. But alas, Im trapped in Europe with a girl that wants to choke me in my sleep half the time. I mean, as much fun as Im having right now, Im more than a little bit uncertain about how I can go about fixing a whole bunch of stuff until I get back, and I cant decide if things will solve themselves or be beyond all repair. And, just to add that chery on top, I know that absolutely everything is my fault. So, distances and situations have begun to add up a bit, and I just feel more and more frustrated as every day passes and I dont deal with things.

Theres a metaphor in philosophy, about a donkey thats been placed between two equally sized bales of hay, and he doesnt move. Because since both are exactly the same, and the exact distance apart, he has no deciding factor to tip the scales and pick one to eat from. Right now I have a dozen bales of hay I could eat from, but I cant figure out what to do. Indecision is making a decision, and indeed, I feel like Im starving myself to death.

Originally this update began completely different, but the more I wrote, the more I thought about my conversation with Jenn yesterday. And the more I thought about my conversation with Jenn yesterday, the more I was going to do the same thing I did last night in a slightly different way. So, like virtually every story, newspost and email Ive began in my life, its turned out drastically different than my original intention. Wither it be better or worse, I cant tell you. But I can tell you how sick and tired I am of doing the same stupid, hurtful, burdening things over and over again.

In one of our conversations, I think it was when we were in... Interlaken maybe. Certainly we were somewhere. But anyways, in one of our fights, Jenn told me to just be honest and tell her how Im feeling because, as Mr Peglar would have said, she wants me to talk to her as she flunked mind reading. I still havent decided if me being honest has created less or more problems. But over the past week, I think I decided that Id rather be honest with my friend and have us hate each other than hide everything so we secretly hate each other. And as Jenn said last night, even while I treated her like total shit, if Im actually meant to be friends with someone, then theyll still be around after stuff has settled down and Ive figured out what the hell is going on.

As Im certain some people are wondering, or maybe its for my own benefit, I should probably say if I think this trip has been good or bad so far. Well, the answer is good, although it might not seem like it all the time. Or most of the time, actually. But Id have to say that Im a firm believer that theres no such thing as a bad experience, so long as you take something from it. And what have I taken from this experience so far? Well Socrates, Ive taken a whole bunch of shit so far, and Im certain there will be much more to come. And Im certain a lot of it cant really be expressed properly in words, and definitely not from twenty thousand kilometers away. But perhaps once I come back, youll be able to hear it in my voice, or see it in the way I walk or feel it in the way I act. And then again, maybe not. I believe it was Heraclitus, although Im probably terribly wrong, that is quoted as saying that all things flow. And its true, all things flow, and all things change. And while when I come back, it wont be the exactly same water flowing down the river, but Ill be damned if anyone trys to tell me the Rhine isnt the Rhine because its Tuesday now.

Just to de-metaphor that a bit, what Im trying to say is that Im going to come back changed, to a changed Brampton full of a bunch of people who have, surprisingly enough, changed. And while I might seem like a different person, Ill still be Nick. Perhaps Im doing a really good job of pointing out the obvious and the unnecessary, and maybe Im just doing this for my benefit rather than everyone who reads this, but I think it needed to be said.

So while, at least in my mind, I think I might have started going down the road to fixing some of the stuff I left all fucked up at home, I still have another problem I should deal with. Ive been a total asshole to a friend that I not only hold in really high regard, but one Im living with right now. I know its very difficult to instantly start acting differently to someone, because believe me, Ive been trying really hard since I left Ireland with her. Its just that theres parts of my personality that clash with hers, a lot. I really, really wish I could get some things through my head, but as Mr Hong said while we ate Chinese food in his restaurant, Im very strong headed. And Im not using that as an excuse, Im using it as a reason.

I dont want to call it my nature, because I feel I have or at least should have control over how I act. Its just sometimes I seem to be predisposed to be a total prick. And Im sure it wouldnt be so bad if we could just go home for a while and talk to some other friend, but unless we keep having days like this one where we dont see one another, someone is going to scream at the other. As much as I might not have made it seem for the past, well, since highschool, I do enjoy having friends. And as much fun as it would be to loose a very dear friend in the middle of a trip we thought would have bee fun to do together, Id really rather not have the both of us hate one another for the rest of our lives.

I think we really just need a break from one another. It certainly wont fix everything, because Ive been a jerk most of my life and itll take a lot of experiences for me to become more sensitive to other peoples emotions. I wish it was an over night sort of thing, but its not, and itll probably take a long while for me to get that through my thick head. And, as Data from Star Trek said with that famous line, it is often the journey that is more important than the destination. And right now its a really long road, and I wish so fucking bad that I wasnt dragging my friend behind me through the mud.

Maybe if we both walked down separate roads tomorrow it would be only be see you later. It might be, but I dont know, Im not a prophet. And fun it is to scream about it into the electronic void, I know that very soon were going to be turning in opposite directions at a street corner. And as much as I want to fix things before we part ways, I think this might be one of those situations where trying to help only makes it worse. And even thought I really want to make things better before we separate, I think I might just need to accept that my mutton hands are far too fat to use fine bone china, and that I should leave while some of the tea set isnt broken yet.

Because, to take a Nine Inch Nails lyric way out of context, its not as much fun to pick up the pieces.

I know this update is all over the place, but so is my head right now. But hopefully you can glean some sense out of a bunch of non-sense, and understand a bit of what the hell is going on over here in crazy euro-land. Because its pretty crazy right now.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-06-03T22:27:00

2004-06-03T20:32:21Z

Well, just soeveryoneknows im still alive ill make a bit of a post. Im in germany at the absolutely worst keybord ever in a really crumby hostel. Im specifically in Frankfurt, but it doesnt seem to have a lot to do.

I went through swiss-land, touching on Bern, Zurich and Interlaken. The alps are amazing, but id love to talk about them later, perhaps tomorrow.

I met a guy named Mr Hong who runs this chinese food restraunt in Interlaken. Ill have a lot to say about him and some thoughts when I get the change. Amazing man, so full of mirth.

Im really having a lot of fun, Europe is such an amazing place. I might need to wait until I get home to explain it all well though. Perhaps at some sort of social gathering of sorts.

Tomorrow I plan to find a real keyboard, more updates then.

Oh, the date is June 3rd. I guess its been a month, huh. Cool, isnt it? I need to fix these dates.

penboy_np @ 2004-05-28T22:21:00

2004-05-28T20:22:32Z

Brussels was a total bust, Gent, which is north east of Brussels, was absolutely amazing, and Switzerland is disturbingly expensive.

Right now I'm in Bern, crashing at a hostel at the bottom of a valley. It's pretty nice, but the internet runs at 5 Swiss francs for 25 minutes and I'm all out of money. But that's not to say that Jenn didn't burn ten francs and left me two.

I'm not bitter, I swear.

I'm having fun, but updates will probably be slow at best. I'd love to tell everyone what I've been doing, but no time or money right now. Another day I guess.

Most likely updates when I'm in Germany next week.

-Nick

Oh and the dates are all screwed up. Ill fix later.

penboy_np @ 2004-05-23T20:46:00

2004-05-23T20:04:23Z

So I'm in Brussels right now,, but I don't really have time for a really big update. What I can do though, is give a basic run down of where I've gone in the past week or so.

Jenn and I landed in Cherebourg, which is on the north western tip of France. From there we went to Paris for three days. Then we made a dash over to Luxembourgh City which oddly enough is in Luxembough. Right now I'm in Brussels, Belgium. Really, we haven't traveled far, but it's been quite an eye opener in many ways. I might need to explain when I get back.

I'd like to describe the city right now, but I'm a tad drunk and it would be very difficult even without the present circumstances. I find Brussels to be much like modern art, in the sense that it can't be explained, it can only be experienced. It's incredibly beautiful though, and I quite like it here. Perhaps I can explain it when I come home. Unfortunately though, it's Sunday, so everything is closed and there's not much to do. Luckily, there is a bar in the hostel we're staying in, although tomorrow morning I might not feel the same way. We'll have to see. Regardless though, it should be fun because Jenn and I plan to check out the city and just enjoy ourselves.

I'd love to wax philosophically for an hour or two, but only fifteen minutes is free on this computer and it's mostly a courtsey if I get off quickly. Plus, I don't feel much like thinking today and would much prefer to hit the bar again, hard. So I think I will sign off now and leave my parting thoughts.

If you have ever felt the wanderlust, then succumb to it's enchanting call. Traveling is the most amazing thing you can ever do in your life.

penboy_np @ 2004-05-19T15:58:00

2004-05-19T14:14:40Z

I`m in Paris right now, and although I don't have a whole lot to say, I figure I should give a small update to let people know I'm still alive. Well, actually, I do have a lot to say, a whole lot, but now isn't the time or the place for me to talk about it.

Basically what I've been doing is a lot of thinking and talking with Jenn. I don't really have a chance right now to get into get into details, since it's expensive to be on the net in France. Plus I'm typing at a azerty keyboard instead of a qwerty, so I can't take the time I know I'll need to give a proper update. So I'll try to be brief.

I think the only way to sum everything up is to say that yes, I still live, and yes, I'm still moving. And this is all there's going to be from me in a while. I think it'll be easier to give updates in a week or two, but until then, I think I'm going to have to drop off the face of the planet again. I desperately need to do some more reflecting, and I really don't think Paris is the best place for me to do this in. It's a beautiful city, but I don't particularly feel comfortable here, and I don't think straight when I'm uncomfortable. Plus Paris this time of year is hotter than hell, which scrambles the eggs even more.

So I guess that needs to be it, for now. I'm beginning to wonder how practical this journal is going to be to upkeep, but I'll still try my best and keep at it. Until then though, this is the traveling philosopher, signing off.

penboy_np @ 2004-05-14T13:44:00

2004-05-14T16:43:36Z

Well, I guess that since I'm leaving Ireland tomorrow, I should give a bit of an update of what's been happening. When we last left our hero, he was pondering the inverted relationship of intelligence versus the number of present animals. Today, he's preparing for a nice long boat ride.

On Monday, after I got back from the park and relaxed for a little while, Jenn and I went out for drinks with some of her friends. Actually, going out for drinks is a really popular thing to do in Ireland. Funny that. Anyways, we went out with Jenn's cousin Deirdre, Deirdre's friend Keri and her boyfriend Colin. Actually, his name might be Chris but I can't remember. See, Keri used to be dating a guy named Colin, and now she's dating a guy names Chris. Or perhaps it's the other way around. Jenn kept messing it up and she's infected me now, so I'll never remember his name.

I had an all right time. I thinking about a lot of things that evening, so I was a bit quiet. Plus I felt a bit like I was sitting on the outside looking in, mostly because the conversation was largely about things I wasn't interested in. All the same, it was a good experience because I learned something about myself. When I'm in situations that I don't feel particularly comfortable in, I just go silent and try to be as unobtrusive as I can. So sitting with a bunch of people I'd never met in a bar I wasn't very interested in, I wasn't exactly the best conversationalist in the room. But I think it turned out okay, because Keri and Colin/Chris called me Mark the entire night. I think the karma balances out evenly across the board.

Tuesday was really fun though. Jenn said we were going to meet a few of her friends for coffee. And despite the fact she said their names a dozen times, I couldn't remember who it was supposed to be. It didn't really matter though, because coffee shops are somewhere I feel completely comfortable in. But anyways, as it turned out, we met up with Tara and Barry, who Jenn worked with when she was doing lighting for one of their theater productions. I think it was partly the prospect of sitting in a coffee shop that made me feel more chatty, because I would up chatting with Barry on the way over and all through while we were there. Actually, when we went to the pub on Friday, I noticed Barry was wearing a Games Workshop pin on his shirt, so I asked him about it. This single question started one of the most wonderful conversations I've ever had about gaming. As I quickly found out, Barry's been roleplaying just about every game under the sun since the late 80s and playing Warhammer for the past couple of years. We must have talked about roleplaying for, I don't know, two, maybe even three hours. He's supposed to be coming to Canada for a while in September, so I told him to drop me a line when he's in town and I can introduce him to some people. He actually turned out to be a really cool guy.

Wednesday and the morning of Thursday were kind of uneventful. Jenn and I mostly just talked about a few things, I spent a lot of time thinking and we got some of our stuff in order for when we leave. Well, she made some lists, at least. And I think today some of those lists might be springing into action, but we'll have to wait and see.

Thursday I had a hell of a lot of fun, but it's a bit of a complicated story and some of it won't make it past the censors so it might not seem that way. But here goes the slightly edited, completely uncut version.

I mentioned Jenn met Barry and Tara when she joined their theater group. Well, as it turned out, the had a production opening up last night. So, Jenn asked me if I wanted to go and see it, I said sure, and off we went. It was being held at this place called The Helix on a university campus across town. After almost missing the bus and then hopping in a cab, ee stumbled in about a half an hour before it started and promptly ran into some of Jenn's friends. We chatted for a while, then headed over to the bar for a drink. The only problem was that we forgot the play was starting really soon, so I wound up with a pint of Murphy's and only a few short minutes to drink it in.

So anyways, after we all chugged our drinks we went and sat down in the theater. The play was called The Laramie Project, and if you haven't heard of it and don't feel like doing a quick Google search, I'll give you the five second version. Laramie is a town in Wyoming where in 1998 a young man named Mathew Sheppard was tied to a fence post and beaten to an inch of his life. A few days later, after he was found and brought to hospital for treatment, he lost that inch. The reason he was beaten was because he was gay and the two men who offered to give him a ride home from a bar violently homophobic. The play itself is dialog from roughly two hundred interviews the original play writes conducted with the people of Laramie spaced with a small amount of narrative. It is not a happy play.

It ran for about two hours with a fifteen minute intermission, and to be completely honest, I was absolutely blown away by how professional it was. Jenn picked a bunch of really good friends, because they're an amazing bunch of actors. They really put a lot of work into it, and they really put a lot of emotion into their characters. It's an emotional play, but the actors were all perfect for the parts they had. It was an incredibly small cast though, there was eight actors and well over fifty characters, but they pulled it off spectacularly. I haven't exactly been the best with my words lately, so I'm finding it difficult to explain how wonderful the production was.

After it finished, we wound up going out with the cast for drinks. Everyone had a great time at the bar and went home in a drunken stupor. Funny story, Tara called me 'kinda cute'. It might not seem all that funny, but it does when you realize she was so wrecked on vodka she had difficulty walking for a little bit. So while I'll take my compliments any way I can get them, I don't think I'll let this one go to my head any time soon.

Anyways, tomorrow Jenn and are leaving, so I might as well casually slip in where we're going and what we're doing. Tomorrow morning around 8 I believe, we board a train to Rosslare, which is on the southern tip of Ireland. From there, around six in the evening, we board a ferry to Cherbourg, which is on the north-western tip of France. Our current 'plan', and I use that word in the absolutely loosest possible way, is to go through the upper part of France, then cut a bit of a horseshoe up and then down. Whipping out the map, I can say with certainty that we'll be heading from France to Belgium, then the Netherlands and a quick cut through Germany on our way north to Sweden. If we have time, we'll be heading to Norway and Finland. But regardless, we'll be slicing through the other side of Germany, cutting back through the Switzerland to see the alps, and then a dash across Italy towards Greece. I think we'll find up spending a lot of time in Greece. Anyways, once we finish that, it's back across Italy for a while, and somehow we need to wind up on a beach in Barcelona for the 4th of July. That's Jenn's birthday wish, and I think she'd kick my ass if we didn't make it.

To be quite honest, it's going to be really tight, and if we're going to be enjoying ourselves, I think a few countries might need to get the chop. If anything, we'll only touch Sweden for a moment, maybe go dancing in Stockholm and then move like crazy to the Greek border. But I mean, if I don't get to see everything, then I can always do it in a few years when I come back. The start up fees will be significantly smaller the second time around, and it'll be easier going considering I have a better idea of what the hell I'm doing.

So some of my stuff isn't coming with me, I'm afraid. I'll have to wait here until I come back, stuffed away in Jenn's closet or something. The tent and sleeping bag, as I found out really quickly, are dead weight. Hostels are plentiful and cheap. I think I'm bringing mine, but it's mostly for Jenn because her's is too huge and she's worried about a magnitude of things only slightly smaller than the plane that brought me here. My extra pair of shoes I also regret packing because, aside from the fact I really don't like these shoes, my boots aren't going to get wet. And even if they do, hostels are warm and they can dry out over night. I few assorted things also aren't going to be making the cut, but I think I can survive without them. It's a learning experience, and I like to think I'm a fast learner. I just have way too much crap, and my back won't be able to take it if I keep trying to haul my house around.

Anyways, Jenn and I have some stuff we need to get ready before tomorrow so I should get on that. And, like usual, I have some thinking to do, and since I don't have the monotony of work to keep my hands occupied while my brain floats free, I need to find something to keep me busy.

See you from the main land.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-10T16:25:00

2004-05-11T09:44:12Z

Just so everyone knows, I am still alive. I'm in Dublin right now, typing on Joe Quinn's keyboard, which, by the way, is from Italy and has keys in very odd places. So I guess that, since it's been a few days since I gave anyone an update, I might as well write one up now.

The night before I left Belfast, I called Jenn and worked out a rough plan on how I would meet her here. Well, actually, we mostly just talked until the phone beeped to let me know I was almost out of credit. Then we hurriedly decided that I would call her when I was in town and she was off work. She did let me know that she had a dentist appointment the next day, so she wouldn't be able to meet me until sometime after seven thirty. Which left me with quite a bit of time to burn.

I took the bus from Belfast to Dublin, which took a little bit longer than the train would have. That didn't really matter much, since I was leaving around noon and would be there by four, so any time I could kill traveling was a bonus. Plus, I figured I might as well enjoy the Irish country side. And what a side. Everything here is such a wonderfully deep green, mixed with scattered patches of yellow, grey and brown. Truthfully, Ireland is incredibly beautiful, and I think I came at just the right time of the year. Everything seems to have picked right now to be in bloom, turning every hill, field and forest into a wonderful Picasso of colour.

The bus arrived in what I now know is the central bus terminal in Dublin, which has national, regional and local routes going though. At the time though, it looked to me like a million busses weaving between one another and coming dangerously close to crashing. It reminded me of a bee hive, actually.

After I spent a few hours listening to music and writing in my journal, I decided to give her a call. It took a couple of tries to not get her voice mail, but eventually I got a hold of her and we decided to meet at a place called Lucky's. Now, Jenn and I both have a similar problem, in that we both mumble a bit on the phone sometimes. So when she said 'Dame Street' it sounded an awful lot like 'James street'. She said if I asked just about anyone, they would be able to tell me where it was and how to get there. Which is true of Dame street, but not so true of James.

So anyways, after buying a map, walking in the wrong direction a couple of times, getting lost, unlost and lost again, we parlayed a few times and finally decided it would be best if I just stayed exactly where I was and she came and found me. By this time, my legs were exploding from the weight of my backpack and I really just wanted to sit down and go to bed. So we decided to meet in this place called Supermacs, which the sign told me, was 100% Irish. To me it looked like the Irish equivalent of McDonalds, but you know me, I'm know so little about Ireland I can't tell a shamrock from a clover.

So she was only an hour late, which is really good for Jenn. And she did have an epic tale to tell me when she got there of why she was late and how sorry she was. It involved pretty much of the same elements of my epic tales, which is mostly just getting lost a lot. Oh, and apparently I got a lot taller from when she last saw me. Really, I just think everything else just got smaller. Anyways, to skip ahead a bit, we had dinner in Lucky's, which is on Dame street not James street, and then took a cab to her house.

There must be something in either the Quinn blood or my stature that immediately makes every member of Jenn's family want to feed me. I think that within five minutes of taking off my boots and jacket, a pot of water was on the boil and pasta sauce was simmering. Needless to say, Joe and Marianne Quinn are wonderful hosts. They even gave me what I consider to be the best room in the house, because every morning it gives me a great view of a mountain. Well, an Irish mountain, which is really just a big hill but I don't want to spoil it for them. But anyways, after I got stuffed with food again and settled down, the conversation began.

The topics were, among my personal favorites, philosophy, politics, economics, religion, music and delightful blends of two or more. Joe and Marianne are fun to talk to, and we did for hours. Although, I think Jenn was either very tired, bored or felt left out because she spent most of her time curled up on the floor by the fire. But after her and Marianne went to sleep, Joe showed me how to play this instrument called the baulraun. It's pretty much an Irish drum kit put into one convenient little package, and it's also spelt wrong. It's difficult to describe, but everyone might see it when I come back because I think I'll have to buy one. It's a really simple, but incredibly versatile instrument and I actually had a lot of fun screwing around with it. It's got a nice improvisation feels I really find fascinating, and I had a lot of fun trying to fit in with the music we were listening to.

The next day, which was Friday, Jenn went to work so Joe and Marianne gave me a lift into the downtown so I could explore. They both teach english as a second language, and their office is conveniently just off the equivalent of Main Street in Dublin, which is called, rightly so, O'Connel Street. I wandered around a bit, checked out a couple of tourist traps from a distance, hung out in a park for a while, then decided to go for a nice leisurely four hours walk back to the house. Actually, the walk should have only taken two and a half hours, but I took a few detours (read: got lost a bunch of times). It was nice though, I had a lot of fun.

Later that night, Jenn took me out for drinks with a friend of her's named Barry. Barry was an interesting guy, but not the kind I would go out to coffee with. He was allright though, and we had a few drinks and then cabbed to our respective houses. Actually, not a whole lot happened Friday.

In the morning, which started at about ten for me and eleven for Jenn, Joe made us a traditional Irish breakfast. Basically it consisted of a bunch of excuses for future heart attacks, but damn if it wasn't ever good. The only problem was that, since we slept in and breakfast was so long and delicious, we weren't going to be able to do what we'd planned.

If you gave me a choice between living in a forest or a city, I'd be packing my tent so fast I wouldn't even hear the second choice. So I guess you might call me an outdoorsy kind of person. On Saturday, Jenn and I were supposed to climb a mountain. Truth be told, I actually had my heart quite set on it. It was just such a beautiful, perfect day for a hike, the sun was out and everything. But it was getting on towards two in the afternoon and we were supposed to meet someone for drinks later, so we wouldn't have time. Disappointed doesn't exactly capture the feeling.

I guess Jenn must have mentioned something to Joe, because he announced he was taking us for a drive in the mountains. It was a bit of a lie though, it was a drive in the mountains then a two hour hike in the forest. I can't think of a way to describe how I felt going down that path, or even understand why, but all I wanted to do was just pick a direction and start running. It was just so wonderful all I could think to do was run.

Anyways, we walked for a while, then cut across a barrier in a dried up pond. It was there I did something stupid and sprained my ankle. Not a bad sprain, I didn't even feel it after I walked on it for a while, and it wasn't even worth mentioning to Jenn or Joe. But let this be a reminder to everyone; when you have the option of either stepping on the carefully laid out stones or jumping across the tiny stream, keep in mind that someone probably put them there for a reason other than to look pretty. When I landed, it was on a cleverly concealed rock in the grass, and things bent the wrong way. I'm fine, but words of wisdom like that should be shared, I think.

On Sunday, which was yesterday, Jenn and I were supposed to climb a mountain, again. We were supposed to catch a bus to this township near the mountain, then hike up and, strangely enough, back down. We were supposed to be out of bed by nine, and gone by ten thirty. As you can guess, things didn't go as planned.

I give Jenn a lot of credit for not being very chicky for a chick, but even then, occasionally things crop up. Sunday morning, between waking up, eating, showering and assorted other things, it took her nearly two hours to get ready. So our ten thirty departure time was creeping up quickly on eleven thirty when we stepped out the door.

I can think of lots of reasons I wanted to give up on the bus. We were late getting to the stop, so it had probably already gone past. It was really overcast and expected to rain, so it was a bad day to go for a hike. My ankle was a little bit stiff from crushing it against a rock the day before, so a long hike would probably hurt. We were going to be meeting some people for drinks later that night, so we were working in an ever shrinking window of time. There's millions, but when it really comes down to it, we both looked at one another and decided to leave. And we were not twenty feet down the road when the bus sailed past.

Jenn called it fate. Some days, I might argue against that with a multitude of explanations. But no matter how many reasons I can spew off the top of my head, eventually it all boils down to the fact that it just didn't feel right to go that day. I mean, it's not like we couldn't have waited twenty minutes or so to make sure it had gone by. But somehow it felt like it was time to go, and we did. Which, if you read into tiny things as much as I do, could mean a whole lot. Perhaps the feeling was God giving us a gentle nudge back onto some divine path of which we had strayed. Perhaps a thread on Fate's tapestry of life caught a snag and suddenly jumped back into place. Perhaps we were both getting hungry and food was in the opposite direction. But for whatever reason, we left, and I think I'll have to ponder about the whole experience another day.

How strange that I can be fascinated by missing the bus.

Instead of going to the mountain, we went to Dun Laoghier, which is pronounced Dun Leery and spelt worse than the baulron. There's not much to see there except the pier. So we did. Then we sat on the rocks and watched the tide come in for a while. Then we climbed on some different rocks and sat on a piece of the wall. We also ate ice cream. I think peaceful is the best word I can use to describe yesterday. Yes, I quite like the sound of that.

Yesterday was very peaceful.

Today I went to Phoenix Park, which is the largest inner city park Europe, if not the world. I wouldn't doubt that for a second. Although, I think I discovered that no matter how big a park is, it's still not a forest. Maybe it's because I like my solitude or just the smell but in my eyes, parks can't hold a candle to a big forest. Actually, I spent most of my time wandering around in the little forested area they had there.

I'd like to hope that blatant stupidity like this was localized to only a few people, but I've seen it everywhere so much that I know better. In the park, there were a couple of roaming herds of deer, with about two hundred a piece. So immediately, the 'Pretty aminals!' instinct kicked in to all the tourists. So they, in their infinite wisdom, decided to go walk over to the deer. Who sees a problem with this?

Now, I don't know if you've ever seen an deer in the wild, but generally there's three zones it divides the entirety of the world into. There's the outside zone, which is the biggest, and basically contains everything it isn't immediately concerned with. Which is basically anything that isn't a) being grazed on, b) chasing it or c) another deer. Generally, the it couldn't care less what happens here because it's either too far away to hurt it or out of sight. Deer, being deer, generally don't think of the philosophical connotations of what's beyond the horizon. The first zone is and everything in it is beyond it's concern. Until it enters the second zone.

It varies in size and shape for different things, but it's very clear where it starts for a human moving at walking speed. This is about fifty feet. Essentially this is the buffer zone, and you can tell when you've entered it. That's because the deer walks away. Maybe not much, but it definitely jaunts in the opposite direction to increase the distance between you and it. This is the deers way of telling you it feels crowded, or perhaps threatened, by your presence and it really hopes you will just go away.

Unfortunately, to stupid tourists, this triggers the 'Pretty aminals are moving!' instinct, which is oddly similar to the 'Pretty aminals!' instinct. Now, it is only logical to conclude that because the deer is moving, the tourist must move try to catch up. But clearly not at a slower speed so as to not spook the deer. Since the deer is moving now, it would only make sense to move twice as fast to maintain the original velocity of approach to the deer. That would only make sense, right? Right?

See, now the tourists have entered the third zone, which is the threat zone. Only predators and morons increase in speed towards a deer when it moves away. So the deer walk a little waster. So the tourists walk a little faster. So the deer start jogging. So the tourists start jogging. So the deer start running. So the tourists start running. Generally this continues until the tourist have been running full out for a minute or two trying to catch the deer. And as you can probably guess, deer can move much faster for longer periods of time than tourists. They didn't survive as a species because a million years ago the deer thought to himself 'Well, that mountain lion gave it his best try. Maybe I'll just slow down a bit and be a good chap.'

So then, quite obviously, since the deer are moving away from them and the tourist is now tired, they must try a different strategy. And obviously, deer are hungry from all that running, because they're grazing now. So it is only logical for the tourist to conclude that, if by taking out a piece of bread, squatting down and holding it at arms length, the deer will come over to eat it, right? Right?

Keep in mind that they're still at least a hundred feet away and have been chased, rather recently, by the same stupid tourist.

Still, frustratingly, the deer do nothing to approach on the tourists obvious show of good faith. After a moment, the tourists tries his last hope, the one irresistible thing that no animal can restrain itself from. It's the ace up his sleeve, his trump card, if you will. He prepares himself. He squats down even lower. He stretches his arm out as far as it can go, reaching with all his might towards the deer. He waves the bread tantalizingly back and forth. And then...

Makes ticking noises.

Sometimes I cry at night because of people like this.

Eventually the tourist puts the bread back in their pocket, or perhaps throws it on the ground in disgust. Why didn't the pretty aminals not come over? they wonder. What was it that they'd done wrong? Eventually though, they decide simply that the deer weren't hungry, or they were exercising, and that it clearly wasn't their fault they were stupid.

The deer, not the people.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-05T16:26:00

2004-05-05T15:28:37Z

I just finished playing pool for six hours. As you can guess, there's not a whole lot to do in Belfast when you're tired.

In about a half an hour, Jenn get's off work so I'll give her a call. Then I'll probably head off to sleep.

Or I might play another game or three, I haven't decided yet.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-05T11:51:00

2004-05-05T10:51:21Z

So I'm in Belfast now, which, in case anyone doesn't know, is in northern Ireland. It's not exactly Disney Land when it comes to being the happiest place on Earth, but I'm not British so it's all ok. Proud to be Canadian? We can put a big check mark right there.

So when I was leaving London, something suddenly clicked in my head about the people. I was looking out the bus window at an apartment building, and on the front steps there was a sign there that said 'Mind the Steps'. That, really, completely captures London. Let me explain.

In the tube, there's signs, posters, announcements and novelty items that all say 'Mind the Gap'. You see, when the train stops at the station, sometimes there's a small gap between the car and the platform, or one might be higher or lower or something like that. There's routinely accidents and occasionally, fatalities because of this. So the 'Mind the Gap' thing is to remind people to watch their step and not fall in the big hole.

How does this capture London? Well, like a good joke, it's not what they say, but how they say it. It's so blunt and straight forward. There's no beating around the bush, nothing like that. 'Mind the Gap' is basically British for 'Hey Stupid, Don't Fall in the Fucking Hole.' In Canada the sign would have said something like 'Please Watch Your Step When Exiting And Entering The Train.' But in Britain, why use ten words when three hold so much less bullshit?

It's not the Subway, it's the Tube. Because the you're not in a subway, you're in a tube. It's not the Exit, it's the Way Out. Because you're not looking for the exit, you're looking for the way out. It's not the Restrooms, it's the Toilets. Because you don't want to rest, you need to take a piss. You should have seen the confused expression on the KFC guy's face when I asked where the restroom was, then the bathroom, then finally the toilets. Apparently, the third time, I got it right.

Space is the most expensive commodity in London. Because it's so old, everything is very close together. When I was on the bus going to Scotland to catch the ferry to Belfast, I could have reached out the window with my pen and poked the people in the bus beside me without getting my hand wet. Yeah, it was raining. What time? Doesn't matter, it was still raining. Anyways, literally two or three inches away from me was another bus in another lane of traffic. So needless to say, I would die rather quickly driving in London. But if physical space isn't being used properly, it'll be filled and used more efficiently. Same with the language. I thought that was kind of a neat observation.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me. I took the ferry to Belfast. But, in order to get here, I needed to take the bus to Scotland. It was a nice, pleasant eight hour drive which involved little sleep and a very chatty French woman with an piercing laugh. But on the bright side, I did meet a lovely old woman from Manchester who successfully convinced me that it was one of the most beautiful cities in Britain. We drove through it, and I have to admit, even that brief exposure blew the absolute fuck out of London. It was even night time, too. So I think one day, maybe in a few years, I'll have to do a tour of the UK. I promised myself, and the woman, actually, that I would see Manchester. Not only is it the city that spawned the entire rave scene and the wide spread use of Ecstasy, but on top of that it's got some of the most amazing architecture I've ever seen.

What, four days and I'm already planning the return trip? I'm never going to settle down.

I think pigeons evolved from turkeys. Let me explain. When I was at the bus station waiting to go to Scotland, the terminal was absolutely packed with pigeons. And I mean packed. It was an indoor station, too, which made it even more absurd. But anyways, have you ever watched a pigeon actually strut it's stuff? I mean, really watched them. I swear to christ, the look like tiny, disease infested turkeys. Something in the way they wobble and bob their heads, I half expected one to gobble incoherently at me, then sprout rat legs and scurry away. It was bizarre, really. But yeah, after a few of them tried to fly into my face I started fighting back with balled up pieces of paper. This kid beside me followed suit and the little buggers left us alone after a while. They might look relaxed and stupid, but those things can really move when you wail something at them.

Anyways, London was nice, but I don't think it's somewhere I could live. It just feels way too small for me. I don't know if it's because it's a large metropolitan city or if it's because it's on an island, but all the same, claustrophobia. Plus the weather can be described as 'erratic' as best. When I walked to the bus terminal, the sky opened up and I got soaked. Then, once I got inside of course, it stopped and the sun came out. Then, fifteen minutes later, there was hail. Hail for christ sake! Then the sun came out again! What the fuck!

Oh, and not to mentioned as expensive as hell. I wanted to snag a picture of it, but I didn't get a chance. Gas was 77.9 when I left. Which, when you calculate in the conversion rate, is absolutely god damned insane. Proud to be Canadian? Oh, I checked that box already. Well, maybe I'll put a check beside it too, just for emphasis. Oh, and also, everyone in London drives either a hatch back, one of those weird London car-truck-van things which hasn't had a design change in sixty years, or a Mini Cooper. I thought that was kinda cool. I wanted to get a picture the four Coopers lined in a row at a red light, but it changed before I could whip out my camera. Shame, really. Oh well, I'll just have to catch the next Brit fad when I go back some day.

Did I mentioned the depressing lack of good rock stations in the UK? Yeah, I was surprised too. Surprised and infuriated. For a country that can't seem to ditch the monarchy, they seem to have a tough time paying homage to their roots. I only found one station that was playing The Clash, and it was on the British equivalent of the All Request Breakfast on The Edge. Sad, really.

I got an email from Jenn today. She seems anxious to leave again, which is good, because I desperately need someone I can make sarcastic comments to. I think I mentioned that a day or two ago. Anyways, hopefully things will go well tomorrow and I'll find myself in Dublin. I think I can get there by around 10 in the morning if I was dedicated enough. And, even better, for only 7 pounds! Not nearly the 'first born child and preferred appendage' it cost to get me to this god damned rock. Actually though , since it's still only 11:30 in the morning here now, I could be at Jenn's house in an hour. But I said I'd be there between the 6th and the 8th, and I don't intend on being too early.

When I got on the ferry, I looked back into the bay in Scotland. It was lined with hills, like someone had smashed the bay in from a two hundred meter sand dune. But the clouds, they were so low that if you stood on the top of one of the hills, you could have reached up and put your hand in them. Absolutely amazing. Just wish the pictures had turned out better. I need some filters for my camera, or rather, a camera that can fit filters and then some filters for my as of yet non-existent camera. In a year or two, I think.

Anyways, time's a ticking on this machine, and I've got a few things I want to do before the morning is over. Plus, I've got to figure out how to call Jenn by this evening. That'll be an entire entry in itself. I figure that since I've missed the Chelsey flower show, or will miss it, I need to find some pretty flowers to take pictures of for Ross. Hyde Park in London was nice, but it was all annuals. I'll get Jenn to find sometime for me by the time we hit the road. Maybe I'll convince Jenn we need to double back and go to the Queen's greenhouses in Edinburgh, that would be amazing. Apparently it's something like seven or eight square kilometers of greenhouse, all different climates and things like that. That would be amazing.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, the rumors are true. Ireland is really green.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-04T12:26:00

2004-05-04T11:54:04Z

So today I decided to leave London. While it's a really nice city, and the people I hung out with (read: drank with) at the hostel were really cool, I know the money won't last very long if I stay here. So, this morning, I booked a bus and a ferry ticket. After a nice short ten hour bus ride to Scotland, I'll be hopping on a three hour ferry to Ireland. I'm be landing in Belfast, in the morning even, so it'll still be a long while before I meet up with Jenn. Belfast is really north, and Dublin is a but south, so I'll need to figure out how and when I'll get there. It's good though, it should give her plenty of time time to let things sink in.

But anyways, things have been really great here. Hostels, or at least this one, seems to be like a nice relaxed party. Mostly we hung out in the lounge, which is basically a bunch of couches and a satellite dish, but it's great none the same. Plus, beer is reasonably cheap and within walking distance so that rocked. I like it, it's a good atmosphere, everyone is pretty friendly and anyone who's willing to help out with a map or directions (like me) becomes an insta-friend.

I gave one of the guys I met my contact info. He's from Australia, so we had a few beers together. He mentioned wanting to go to Canada, so I said if he needed a place to crash for a night ot two, to give me a shout. I scribbled my contact info on the back of a card for him, and I hope he drops by, he's pretty cool. Plus he's traveled a lot and gave me some really useful advice.

So before anyone asks, I didn't see the following things: Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Big Ben, Greenwich, Waterloo, Abbey Road, Liverpool, the Changing of the Guards and just about every other touristy thing in London. Why? Because, well, I'm not really all that interested in them. It's nothing special to me, it's just a tourist trap that everyone wants to go to "Because that's what you do in London!". I think I can mentioned again how little I try to be like everyone else. But then I get trapped in then conformity of anti-conformity and my whole world blows up. That's a topic for another day though.

I think the most fun I've had here was yesterday, on the opposite side of the city, completely ass backwards on where I was, lost in some residential zone, flipping through my map and desperately looking for street signs. Which are white and on buildings, by the way. Probably, to most people, that would be the worst experience in their life. Not knowing where they are, where they're going and how they're going to get there. But to me, it was awesome. I'm exploring, even if everyone's already been there, lived there and moved on. It's new to me, and I could have spent all day getting lost and unlost. Hell, getting lost is half the fun.

I don't just stray from the beaten path, I beat my own path. Why take the road less traveled when I can make my own road and travel it instead?

So today I'm going to beat a new path. I need to get to Victoria station, which is unfortunately, really close but I need to do a few things before that. I might take the tube, I might go for a walk. It's raining again, surprise, surprise, so I might decide to invest in a hat. We'll see how much it bugs me.

Anyways, I'm off. The timer is counting down on this computer, and I've got junk to do, food to eat and places to see.

Ireland, here I come.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-03T16:25:00

2004-05-03T16:07:09Z

So today I decided to go for a walk. Or rather, a ride on the tube, then a walk, then another ride on the tube, then a walk and some more riding on the tube and eventually, a walk. Did I mention I walked and rode the tube? No matter how I try and make it sound, it was actually pretty fun.

Right after I got off the tube the first time, I immediately did what I do best; got hopelessly lost. Then, London did was it does best; started pissing rain. Keep in mind that I A) didn't bring a hat and B) didn't particularly feel like shelling out the £5 to a street vendor for an umbrella. They must absolutely clean up from stupid travelers like me.

I went to the London War Museum. War is the most horrible thing in the world. That's all I really want to say about it.

After that, I think I saw St George's Cathedral, but it might not have been. Either way, I wasn't impressed and I didn't go inside. But after that, I decided to try and make my way to the Globe theater. Needless to say, I got lost and rained on.

About, oh, let's say, half way there, this huge building came out of nowhere and had people flocking to it in droves. Well, you know me, I'm a mindless sheep, so obviously I had to check it out. So apparently I stumbled into the Tate Modern Art museum.

So, while I was in there, I started thinking about what good and bad art are, and I came to a bit of a conclusion. I think that people who like or enjoy a particular piece of art is because they believe it to be profound in some way. Be it from an aesthetic view, perhaps how much work was put into it, whatever. But in order for someone to appreciate it, they must feel it is profound. The problem though, is this. I think that, in order for someone to feel a piece of art is profound, they must understand, or at least, believe they understand, the importance of the piece. Once they understand why it is important, or should be important, they can then appreciate it and it becomes good art. You might say I'm borrowing from Aristotle a bit here, but I'd like to consider it an original thought.

Anyways, while I enjoyed the modern art museum, I did have a problem. I didn't really understand a lot of the pieces, so I couldn't really appreciate them in ways that I felt I should have. It's a problem I tend to have with a lot of modern art, but particularly so when I have an entire building I would love to appreciate, and only so many hours in the day to spend there. I wish i could have spent more time and read more plaques, but I took all the time I could and enjoyed all I did.

I wouldn't mind coming back though.

I also went to the British Museum. The first room I went in I think was the one that had the largest impact on me. I walked into the Kings Library and I literally stood with my mouth open. I have never seen or wanted to read so many ancient books in my life. I don't think anyone quite understand how in love I was with all those books. The sheer volume of knowledge... I can't explain how amazing it was to see them all, and how sad and frustrating it was that they were all behind glass. It reminds me of a scene from Fahrenheit 451 that got cut out. Montag goes to the Fire Captains house for some reason and sees he has row upon row of books. Montag comments on how illegal it is to own books, and the captain simply laughs. The books are as good as burnt, simply because he says so. He will never read them, and neither will anyone else. Every letter they hold is destroyed by his word as easily as the flame. The scene is supposed to represent the captain's power, but to me, it represents how unless knowledge is shared, it's dead. So I guess that, when I saw all those books, it was a bit of longing, really. I felt like Montag did, when he ran from the house. Fear and lack of understanding, of why so much knowledge could simply be left to die.

Orwell and Bradbury haunt my dreams.

But that was really the only thing that will stick with me from the museum. Knowledge is the most important thing in the world to me, really. It's just something that I'll remember.

I also accidentally walked half way across downtown London today. I need to remember to buy a compass.

Well, I should go back to the hostel, I need to pack up some of my junk and then start looking for a way to Ireland. Maybe I'll check out some more of the UK, I've heard I can catch the ferry from Manchester to Ireland, but that might not be true. Even then, it might be nice to see where the whole rave scene came from. If I can't find anything tomorrow travel wise, I might just crash here for another day before I break down and take a plane. Or maybe I'll move on. Really, I could do whatever I want.

That's a nice feeling.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-02T09:30:00

2004-05-02T08:25:43Z

So I'm in London now. While I was at Pearson, I accidentally misread part of my ticket, which worked out allright I guess. See, they use twenty four hour time, and I really, well, don't. To me, 19:00 was 5 PM, instead of the actual 7 PM. But after I bought the worlds smallest, most expensive pizza and passing out in the lounge, I made it on without a hitch.

I think clouds are the most beautiful, amazing thing this planet has to offer me. Sometime they look like popcorn, sometimes like rice cakes. Often I thought of an arctic tundra when I looked down, or even a mirror. Needless to say, the weather I got to see was simply amazing and I'm actually starting to enjoy myself.

Oddly enough, my flight was half an hour early because of good winds, but we wound up landing on time because the airport was too foggy. Huh. London foggy, who would have guessed.

I waited three hours to make that joke. That's the down side of not having anyone to travel with. I can't make witty, sarcastic remarks to random strangers, they just give me strange looks and yell out for their friend Bobby.

Today I think I'll try and find a place to sleep. It seems like a good idea, anyways. I might wind up crashing at a camp site if I start getting pissed off and can't find an available hostel. Right now I'm sitting in a rather nice internet cafe in Heathrow, on my way to the tube. Hopefully I can find somewhere on the first go. I don't want to spend the whole fifty pounds today. That's a hundred and thirty fucking dollars, for those of you who haven't just been ripped off by currency exchange.

Jenn's stuff is undeniably heavy. Depending how tight my chest starts to feel by the end of the day, I might just wind up heading over to Ireland as quick as possible. Britain seems to be expensive, and I'm cheap. Chances are it'll be like this all over, but it feels better to move on than to stick around.

Well, I should send an email home to my parents to let them know I'm alive. Even if it is around five in the morning there. I also should shoot something off to Jenn to let her know I'm at least on this side of the ocean.

And I'm off. More updates later today if I can find a hostel, and more updates in the distant future if I hit the camp site.

-Nick

penboy_np @ 2004-05-01T09:32:00

2004-05-01T13:34:57Z

Well, I guess that, since I'm putting this on my MSN screen name, I should actually put something here. Partly because a blank page is unsightly but mostly because I'd like to share my thoughts. So here goes. I've never really been very good at this.

I've been told that every journey begins with a single step. And that much, is true. But it also begins with a single day, and for me, today is that day. In a little under eight hours I'll be on my way to London. And, as odd as it might sound, I don't feel any different today than any other day.

Most people would probably be excited, perhaps anxious, maybe even a little bit frightened. But even though I'm quite literally dropping into the middle of a foreign city, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, it all seems to regular to me. Almost like an every day activity. Today is just another day to me. The sun will rise, and eventually, it will set. I'll just be on my way to another country when it does. I guess to most people it must seem foolish and stupid that I'm not jumping for joy. But those who know me best can say I've never really tried to be like most people, and hopefully they can understand.

I have a week to myself before I told Jenn I'd be in Ireland. I said I'd arrive between the 6th and the 8th, but quite obviously that's subject to change. So I have some time to myself I can use to get lost. I'll probably be using that as an excuse to mull over a few things, but I'm not in a rush. So long as I can find my way to Dublin eventually, or failing that, a pay phone.

Regardless of what I do, it'll definitely be something I'll enjoy and appreciate. Even if I wind up sleeping a subway car, backpack clutched to my chest and jacket stuffed under my head. I really don't know what I'm going to do for the first few days, but all the same, I couldn't be less bothered by it. It's new, it's different, and whatever will happen, will happen. That's something I can accept.

My first entry is a bit short, but I think it'll do. For now, anyways. I have some last minute things to do still, like pack, so I'll get on those. Much ado about nothing, I'm afraid. I'll be trying to update this when I can, but if I fall off the radar for a week or three, I'm not dead. So no one freak out, ok? Ask around for pictures, I'll be trying to send some back every time I hit an internet cafe. So whoever is online at the time, hold onto them for me and spread them around.

I'll see everyone in a few months.

-Nick